Changing Your Grip

Sometimes, the hardest thing in golf — or life — is to Let It Happen.

This is one of my main principles in Changing Your Grip. As a presentation, this nugget was one of my top five.  Of course, it’s also a gem from golf itself.

Performance psychologists refer to top players, athletes, speakers, competitors, business people — heck — anyone who wants to achieve — as being “in the Zone” or “in flow.” It’s the moment when, after much preparation and practice, each of us comes to the point of peak performance.

If we reach the Zone or are in flow, we let go of our conscious efforts and slip into a place where we fly. We don’t strain or struggle. Everything works perfectly. We seem to glide on passion, soar on the pure joy of doing whatever it is we love.

As a writer, this comes to me once I get beyond that opening sentence. Before that, there have been many hours of preparation — maybe I’ve done research and interviews. I’ve organized and transcribed notes. Like pieces of a puzzle coming together, I know what the “picture” should look like — how it should flow, where it should transition, how to bring the ending back to my beginning point.

In golf, it’s the same thing — having the right equipment, taking lessons, practicing, stepping up to the first tee. Visualizing the first shot.

At some point, if all goes well, you catch a rhythm and take off. The words come, the inspiration flows. The ball goes where you intend it to go. You get lost in the moment. You’re present –not  thinking about what happened an hour or two days ago, not thinking about going to the bank later… Etc… Etc… All the head chatter fades away to silence.

Letting it happen means you let go of the control. You let go of the steering wheel. (Of course, if you’re playing golf — don’t let go of the club. We don’t want any seven irons flying through the air and decapitating someone.)

“Nnnnaaaahhhhnnnaaaahhh… Nnnniiiihhhhnnniiihhhhhnnnn…”

– Chevy Chase in Caddy Shack

The beautiful thing about it is that — in flow — it’s as if someone or something has taken over and you’ve become a channel, a conduit for the best to move through you into being. It’s a wonderful feeling — endorphins carry you along. The complete natural high.

Yeah, it all sounds so simple. And I’ve actually been able to achieve that state at crucial times.  But it sure doesn’t happen every day.

Learning to let it happen has been — and continues to be — one of my greatest life lessons. Because I was once locked into thinking I had to control as much as I could. I’ve been an achiever all my life. It’s hard for me to let go of the idea that if I’m not accomplishing or achieving something every day — well, things might fall apart.

I was probably at my worst in this respect when TJ was playing the Tour. So much depended on me at home — the care of our home, and most importantly, the care of our precious boys. I felt that I had to be a rock for TJ, the most supportive and loving long-distance wife in the world, so that he could find the Zone without worrying about home.

Well. I began to believe that if I sent out enough energy, enough will — I could prevent disaster — on the course while TJ was playing, or at home, or in my own career…

What happens is — You start getting in your own way. You’re blocking the good that you so desire. On the course, I would see players struggling. Their faces showed the straining inside, the small (or in cases like TJ, not so small) expressions of frustration, the knit brows, the gripping and re-gripping of clubs as they walked from one green to the next tee. The tight body posture.

These days, I’m still struggling with letting “IT” happen. Because I don’t know what “it” is. There’s a big question mark. Most of the friends I have are uncomfortable with  uncertainty. And we all seem to have so much of it these days. Though on the outside, not much seems to have changed, I’ve sensed seismic shifts. There is no escaping change. And this next one may be huge for me.

With my old “grip” on things, I would flail and thrash and get in my own way.  I would fear the worst. But I’m learning to let it happen. Because whatever “it” is could also be something good for me. The coin’s in the air. Maybe I need to step out of the way and let the very best flow to me and through me.

How about you? Do you struggle with letting go? Have you ever let it happen and gotten great results? Or do you think that’s just a fairy tale – and you make your own luck?