Changing Your Grip

PGA Tour hopeful John Raser pays attention

The small act of paying attention can take you a long way.

– Keanu Reeves

It might seem as though I haven’t been paying attention to this blog.  Months have gone by and I haven’t posted at all.  What’s my problem?

It hasn’t been for lack of attention. I’ve been thinking about this blog all the time. But  I’ve been paying attention to the wrong things.

First of all, I’m frustrated by the theme’s lack of options and other tech matters. I want to convert the theme (the platform, the literal layout and function, not what I’m writing about) to something with much more ability to be customized.

But I can’t seem to get that done – I need tech help. So I let the tech issues get in the way of actually working and writing it. I let my attention swerve from my original purpose — to build content for an eventual book. How silly. So for now, I’m going to keep going until I can get the tech problems worked out.

And my last post brought unwanted attention to the fact that I’m actually writing this blog at all.  It caused a small blip in my family. “Someone” wasn’t happy about it. I’m not writing anything that could be construed as slander but I am telling stories. I’m trying to be as truthful and authentic as I can.

As part of a writer’s life, it’s a fact that you’re going to ruffle feathers — if not much worse — when you write about your personal stories and they include people you know. Especially your family.

My sister gave me a t-shirt that says: Be Careful, Or You’ll End Up In My Novel. So very true.

So anyway — I stopped writing and got worried for a while. But I’m over it.

The point is, my attention got sidetracked, and that can disrupt the positive effects of paying attention in life.

I try to pay attention to every single day. To large and small things. The feel of the weather when I’m outdoors. The sounds of the day — insects whirring with the heat, the pound of footsteps as a runner comes up the sidewalk; a train whistle as the the one train that goes through town on Thursdays passes. Church bells. Paying attention grounds me. It keeps me in the present.

I listen and pay attention to what people are saying to me – the tone of voice, their body language; the quick smile in their eyes in a brief exchange. I read and pay attention to what’s happening in my own industry or in a client’s. I pay attention to what’s going on as I’m driving. I pay attention to my dog when his playfulness turns to urgency — and he needs to get outside. (Because it never pays to ignore an urgent dog.)

I see so many people who aren’t paying attention — and in the end, it’s going to negatively impact their day or relationships or their lives. They’ll miss so much. The day is loaded with tiny miracles waiting to be noticed, waiting to be paid attention.

So what does this have to do with golf, you may well ask.

I decided to ask a couple of my “golf guys” on social media.  Both of them are aiming to get on the TOUR, so they know a lot about what it means to pay attention to their lives and goals.

I’ve written about Phil Bundy before.  Here’s what he had to say:

“For me, paying attention – or being reflective – is important in golf as it is in life. After each time you hit a shot or finish a round, you have the opportunity to calmly reflect and process feedback mentally to improve future performance.”

I love that Phil equates paying attention to being reflective. When you give your attention to something, it often leads to more thought on that particular thing. Thought  can stir curiosity to learn more about it. Learning leads to focus. Where might focus lead?

By the way, Phil has a wonderful blog. You can find it here.

John Raser is a 27 year old Professional Golfer and entrepreneur from Orlando, Florida. He blogs/vlogs about his road to the PGA Tour.  He’s younger than my own boys but one of the smartest, savviest young golfers I’ve seen on social media (Twitter, Facebook, Flickr). He gave me his answer via Facebook:

“Paying attention” — In golf you’ve got to be very detail oriented. I think all good players subconsciously pick up little swing nuances from observing other great players. It might be the way a guy walks into a shot, or his waggle, or even more technical swing positions. Being detailed oriented and paying attention also encompasses the way you walk and carry yourself on the golf course in competition. It’s the way you think. It’s your inner self-talk. It also means being mindful of all outside variables such as wind, grain, lie, and the slope of the terrain. Be observant. Take it all in and process it.

In business it is important to pay attention to what your peers and competitors are doing. Stay up on current trends in your industry or niche. See what’s working and what’s not. Then after finding what works, be creative and find a way to do it better than anyone else. Paying attention to other people’s ideas and giving them the same consideration you would give your own is big too. All real innovation comes from paying attention to your competitors, consumers, and conscience.

Wow.

I also asked one of my favorite golf bloggers, The Armchair Golfer, to comment about paying attention, and he did. But in looking it up on my email, I think I accidentally deleted it. Because I was not paying enough attention to what I clicked on, probably.

I do remember that Neil talked about how important it was to him to pay real attention to his family , especially to his kids.

I remember that because I couldn’t agree more with him.

If you’ve reached the end of this post, well done. You’ve paid attention for over 1,000 words. And that’s a real accomplishment in a world that doesn’t want to read more than 300-500 words at a time.

I predict you’ll go far. And so does Keanu Reeves.

Photo coutesy of John Raser

Welcome to my Caddy Hall of Fame. And the Hall of Infamy.

Once TJ got beyond rookie year and was a tournament winner, he became a more desirable player to the caddies who didn’t have a regular bag. And he had his own picks — guys he’d prefer carry for him. So it was only natural that different caddies became more familiar to me.

At first, I didn’t get to the course much when the little guys and I were out with TJ on Tour. I only met caddies when I was able to get out for a week on my own. By the time Graham came along (our third son), TJ was into his  fourth year playing. And certain caddies were beginning to stand out.

Being in my Caddy Hall of Fame means these guys stood out in some way. Maybe only because I still remember them:

• Hollywood — Hollywood got his name because he was tall, blonde and gorgeous. He may or may not have come from California. He was in his early twenties. He may have been a surfer. Who knew? All anyone knew was that when Hollywood carried a bag, he had his own gallery. He was also rumored to be a Himbo. And thick as a plank. But I couldn’t say. I only knew Hollywood from afar. But if any female at a tournament saw him, you remembered him.

• Zito – I don’t know how Zito got his name. Zito caddied for TJ for a while. Zito is a Harmon — pro Billy Harmon, son of Claude, brother to Dick and Craig. Since Craig was a good friend of TJ’s (good enough to be godfather to our son, Colin) we knew Billy before he became Zito. Anyway — Zito/Billy was part of the Triumvirate of hottie caddies on the Tour, along with Hollywood. Billy was a great caddy. He did an excellent job for TJ. But caddying was a pit stop for him. It has to be, if you’re a Harmon.

• John — The third part of the young Triumvirate. John was his real name. I can’t remember his caddy “name,” but I sure remember him. John actually stayed at our house. By now we had four kids. So when we traveled, it was en masse. In TJ’s last year on Tour, John was caddying on a pretty regular basis for TJ, and he had no place to stay and no ride to the Anheuser Busch tournament at Kingsmill, in Williamsburg, VA. So he became one of my “boys.” I liked John. He was always well-mannered around me. Traveling in our beloved “Wagon Queen” — a gigantic  Pontiac station wagon — we packed all six of us, all the luggage and John on an 8 hour car trip. God love him! Sadly, TJ had to let him go after he found out John was carrying “20 years to life” in drugs inside TJ’s bag. (I always thought his man purse was a little odd.)

• Gypsy — Gypsy was one of the older caddies, one of the veterans. Unlike Hollywood, Zito and John (I think John eventually got arrested), Gypsy was there for the long haul. When he caddied for TJ, he was quiet, a serious worker. He also watched out for me, helping me get through the gallery to an advantageous spot, or coming over to the ropes when he could to let me know what was up. He had longish, wild graying hair, a Poncho Vila moustache,  and a weathered, leathered face. I remember Gypsy most because TJ invited him to stay at our house when he drove up north to drive TJ’s car to a tournament, and instead of waking us in the night when he arrived, he slept in the car out in our driveway. That, and the time he pulled out a tooth while walking down a fairway, and threw it in the grass. All in a day’s work.

And in my Hall of Infamy:

• The nefarious “Uncle Mikey.” When the Tour wound down at the end of October (in those days), Mike the Caddy had been caddying for a while for TJ. There was always something I didn’t trust about him, but somehow he wheedled an invitation from TJ to stay with us for a few weeks. (If you remember from my post about our days on the mini-tour, you know TJ was big-hearted that way.) I’m pretty generous too — so I put up with this guy from New Jersey ensconsing himself in our home. But he was… slimy in some way. Too “buddy buddy” with TJ. Yes, caddies get close to players, but this guy acted like he’d gained some status no caddy had ever reached. And he criticized the way I cared for our boys (then 8,5,3 and 1), my cooking, and housekeeping. Ultimately, he stole checks from TJ and wrote series of rubber. We ended up having to deal with the police. He disappeared, never to appear on Tour again.

Uncle Mikey is the only caddy to appear in my Hall of Infamy, I’m happy to say.

Do you have any nominees? Caddies have changed a lot — why do you think that happened? I’d love to hear.

Pearls of Tour Wisdom

Changing Your Grip started out a few years ago as a presentation I gave. Eventually, I hope it will become a book.

But why wait for that? The lessons contained in the presentation are valuable at any time.

In addition to my career as a writer, I also speak to groups on subjects like fear and risk, humor in the workplace (I’ll have to resurrect that one and re-read it — it’s not that funny around my office lately), communications skills and more. I gave this presentation to a district meeting of businesswomen.

It’s about lessons I learned and the skills they gave me to succeed and lead. So you see, even if you don’t play golf — even if you hate golf or think it’s boring — and I would’ve, had I not been personally involved with it — there are simple parallels anyone can relate to.

[Don't worry -- what I have to say won't always be serious or teacher-ish. I have a lot of stories from our days with the Tour. All kinds. Stick around.]

For now, I thought I’d give you the first five “pearls” and a little  of what they’re about. Then later on, I’ll talk more about each one in detail.  I hope eventually we can get some players’ takes on their own “pearls.” The nice thing about a blog is that you can explore as many as you want.

Okay? Here goes:

1. Sometimes you need to change your grip.

Often, pros change something about their game — a fundamental, like their grip or swing — because what they’ve been using isn’t working for them. Even Tiger did it. After all, they’re out there to win. To make a living. To be champions.

Changing something within is a monumental task – but one worth doing. Because — what if you could get a different result? One you really wanted?

It’s about changing a belief, self-talk, a behavior, a reaction — whatever keeps you from “hitting the shot where you want it to go.”

2. Play It One Shot At a Time.

If there is any principle or maxim in life that has absolutely worked for me, it’s taking it one step at a time, one day at a time.

People used to ask me: “How do you do it ?” — living alone with our (then) four boys (we had 4 under 8 years old on Tour) for about 9 months of the year, coping with crises, the ups and downs of competitive golf… I used to say I lived one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I was very young — still in my 20’s — but I instinctively knew that’s what worked.

How many of us are really living in the present? When a pro starts letting his previous shots get to him, he loses focus on what he needs to do next. As they say on the Tour, the wheels start to come off.

3. Is that shot possible from here?

Pros can find themselves facing terrible luck. Or maybe they hit terrible shots. Just a couple of weeks ago, during the FBR in Scottsdale, I saw Anthony Kim trying to figure out what to do when his golf ball stuck in a big cactus. 

The much loved Bob Rosburg followed guys on the course during ABC golf broadcasts. He was famous for his assessments of disaster when a shot was “challenging.”  He’s got no shot from here, he’d say. It’s impossible.

Smart players assess the situation: What are the obstacles to making a good shot? What’s blocking their path to get back on track? They have to practice every conceivable shot. Be ready for anything. That way, no shot is impossible.

This is about not letting other people decide what you can and can’t accomplish.

4. Know when to lay up. Know when to go for the stick.

Pros will often “lay up.” This technique enables them to better place their approach shots to the green in a more advantageous position — avoiding trouble, like a big water hazard or nasty sand bunkers. Or getting into perfect position to land nearest the pin with a good break, and have a chance to birdie.

Sometimes it’s smart to recognize trouble ahead, play it safe and stay away from danger. But sometimes, you have to take the risk and just go for it.  I loved the movie Tin Cup. It showed — among other things — that you have to have balance in anything.  Going for it every time is a recipe for… exhaustion and stupid moves.

5. Let It Happen.

Trying to force something often causes problems.

This is closely related to one shot at a time… Don’t project ahead. Don’t get caught up in the “what ifs.”  You will drain your energy from what you need to do in this moment and put all your thought and attention into something that hasn’t happened yet — and probably won’t, unless you subconsciously make it happen.

The greatest players are those who can see each shot as a new opportunity, and the last shot as a lesson.

So — there ’s a start.

If you have your own pearl — golf or otherwise, I’d love to hear it.  That’s one of the things I loved most about being around golf and Tour players — the rich wisdom that was often buried in humor and slang. It was never, ever boring.

And it works for all of us.