Changing Your Grip

It may seem as if I abandoned this blog. If you thought that, I don’t blame you. But I haven’t. I’ve just been “going through.”

One of my favorite sayings — a mantra for me — came from the incredibly awful ’80’s movie Flash Gordon. The King of the Tree People (played by Timothy Dalton) has Flash in this gnarly forest and Flash has to find his way out.

“Sometimes,” Dalton says,  “The only way out is through.”

We were living in Florida at the time. TJ had quit playing and was working for the Tour. I was deep into trying to control what I could not control. Aside from having a crush on Dalton, which is why I was paying attention to the scene, this line just stood out to me. Little did I know then how that line would impact me a few years later.

Life fell apart after we moved back north. I liken it to a nuclear explosion. Everything changed for us — career-wise, financially, and in our marriage. I fell into a black hole, but fortunately I fell in the right place.

I was wrapped in support and love. I found some of the best friends I’ve had in my life. And part of what I learned (which was massive and life-changing) was that there is no way around the times that are bad. No way to avoid those emotions and fears that I’d been stuffing pretty much my entire life.

The only way out is through.

To go through all of it. Step by step. Day by day. Sometimes, minute by minute. If you’re in a tunnel, you must go through it to get out into the light again.

That’s what I did.

About three years later, I won a state-wide  speech and professional development competition for businesswomen. The speech was about an obstacle for women in the workplace. I chose my number one obstacle – fear. And I talked about risk as my ally.  I was asked to give that speech to other women’s groups all around New York State.

By then I knew that not only must you go through — you may also have to “take the leap and build your wings on the way down.”

Sometimes I’ve found myself on a figurative cliff. I have to make the choice to either be pushed off or jump.

I’m back on the cliff again. I feel pushed. The economy and my own doubts about what I should do next are forcing me in a new direction.

I have no idea what to do. If I have to be on a cliff, I’d much rather be on the cliffside of Santorini Island in Greece, sitting on a terrace overlooking the Aegean. But instead I’m where I am, and the “view” isn’t pretty.

While I’ve been away from this blog, Tiger’s life blew up. And he too will only find his way out by “going through.” No one is immune.

So I will keep telling myself to keep going. Go through the scary dark forest of the Tree King. Feel the fear and keep going despite it. I can survive. I’ve done it before.

If you want to listen in and it helps you, we can make it out together.

Welcome to the new corporate hospitality tent at your next PGA Tour event.

Well, maybe that image is a bit premature. But today brought two very big pieces of news on golf — Tour golf, that is. And one of the pieces could lead to some drastic changes on the tournament event landscape.

The other piece of news is being treated like the Second Coming, the savior of golf as we know it.

If you judge by what’s been lighting up Twitter today, the Big News is:

• Tiger is back! Golf is saved.

Tiger (yes, he’s a one-word name now, like “Jack” and “Arnie” and “Batman”) has returned to the Tour to play, after 8 months off recuperating from ACL knee surgery. Oh – and he and his wife Elin had another baby, a son named Charlie. Tiger has a beautiful little family. He got to spend time with his daughter, Sam. These are the stories — the major events of his life — that fell aside once he committed to playing this week in the Accenture Match Play Championship.

But:

Congress blasts banks for their sponsorship activities with the PGA Tour. Banks feel the heat in view of the bailout money they’ve received.

Or as one blog put it: Golf Is Screwed.

Oh my. Ouch.

These two items and their subsequent media storm in the golf world — and beyond — stirred a flurry of Tweets and posts on news sites… and some unusually strong reaction in me.

After all, the Tour no longer pays my bills. My life there ended a long time ago. But as I said in my inaugural post — once a Tour Wife, always a Tour Wife.

Headline: Wells Fargo Cutting Costs at Golf Event Amid Political Pressure

Morgan Stanley pulls participation. Northern Trust takes a tongue-lashing by Congress. Sponsorships of Tour events are falling off all over the place.

Words like ”wasteful” and “frivilous” are being used by politicians regarding the perks and feebies banks and corporations typically use for their clients at Tour events. The implication is: Golf itself is frivilous and wasteful – We’re in a boatload of trouble here, people! Ditch the fun!

First of all — it says a lot that golf tournaments are even a subject in politics. Golf has always been very popular with politicians. I’ll be willing to bet that many of them have received those very perks and pleasures of tournament golf.

But this isn’t a political rant. I know it isn’t as simple as that.

I just want to point out that the sponsors of Tour events help to contribute to the economy of the locales where the they are held. And the PGA Tour and their sponsors have always been great contributors to charities

.

I’ve been on the courses and in the corporate tents. Business takes place there. Relationships are developed.  

This is just a show of support for the PGA Tour, and the sponsors. Because if you didn’t have those sponsors, there would be no Tour. And if there wasn’t a Tour, you wouldn’t have statements like these:

“I can start watching golf again. Tiger’s back.”   “I don’t care about golf unless Tiger’s playing.”   “Golf sucks without Tiger.” 

And so on.

I realize that Tiger has brought golf to a whole new generation of fans and inspired new players. The sport (which I don’t play, I repeat — but which has had a powerful impact in my life) needs a blazing star like him.

But I can’t help feeling a bit put off by fans who discount everything and everyone in golf except for Tiger.

If you ONLY care about golf if Tiger is playing, and think it sucks otherwise — you are a fan of a celebrity. Not a golf fan. 

It strikes me as disrespectful and rude to discount all the other players on Tour. To say they’re not worth following. That golf doesn’t exist unless Tiger is in it.

So — a shout out to all the players. I know how hard it is to do what you do. I know the talent it takes. The work. The focus and drive. The patience you must have with jerk “fans” who know little about the game and are all about the fame.

And a shout out to the Tour and its sponsors, for providing a place for the top 1% of guys who have the goods to play at that level.

What do you think? Would the Tour exist without Tiger? Is golf screwed? Will  it survive?

Pearls of Tour Wisdom

Changing Your Grip started out a few years ago as a presentation I gave. Eventually, I hope it will become a book.

But why wait for that? The lessons contained in the presentation are valuable at any time.

In addition to my career as a writer, I also speak to groups on subjects like fear and risk, humor in the workplace (I’ll have to resurrect that one and re-read it — it’s not that funny around my office lately), communications skills and more. I gave this presentation to a district meeting of businesswomen.

It’s about lessons I learned and the skills they gave me to succeed and lead. So you see, even if you don’t play golf — even if you hate golf or think it’s boring — and I would’ve, had I not been personally involved with it — there are simple parallels anyone can relate to.

[Don't worry -- what I have to say won't always be serious or teacher-ish. I have a lot of stories from our days with the Tour. All kinds. Stick around.]

For now, I thought I’d give you the first five “pearls” and a little  of what they’re about. Then later on, I’ll talk more about each one in detail.  I hope eventually we can get some players’ takes on their own “pearls.” The nice thing about a blog is that you can explore as many as you want.

Okay? Here goes:

1. Sometimes you need to change your grip.

Often, pros change something about their game — a fundamental, like their grip or swing — because what they’ve been using isn’t working for them. Even Tiger did it. After all, they’re out there to win. To make a living. To be champions.

Changing something within is a monumental task – but one worth doing. Because — what if you could get a different result? One you really wanted?

It’s about changing a belief, self-talk, a behavior, a reaction — whatever keeps you from “hitting the shot where you want it to go.”

2. Play It One Shot At a Time.

If there is any principle or maxim in life that has absolutely worked for me, it’s taking it one step at a time, one day at a time.

People used to ask me: “How do you do it ?” — living alone with our (then) four boys (we had 4 under 8 years old on Tour) for about 9 months of the year, coping with crises, the ups and downs of competitive golf… I used to say I lived one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I was very young — still in my 20’s — but I instinctively knew that’s what worked.

How many of us are really living in the present? When a pro starts letting his previous shots get to him, he loses focus on what he needs to do next. As they say on the Tour, the wheels start to come off.

3. Is that shot possible from here?

Pros can find themselves facing terrible luck. Or maybe they hit terrible shots. Just a couple of weeks ago, during the FBR in Scottsdale, I saw Anthony Kim trying to figure out what to do when his golf ball stuck in a big cactus. 

The much loved Bob Rosburg followed guys on the course during ABC golf broadcasts. He was famous for his assessments of disaster when a shot was “challenging.”  He’s got no shot from here, he’d say. It’s impossible.

Smart players assess the situation: What are the obstacles to making a good shot? What’s blocking their path to get back on track? They have to practice every conceivable shot. Be ready for anything. That way, no shot is impossible.

This is about not letting other people decide what you can and can’t accomplish.

4. Know when to lay up. Know when to go for the stick.

Pros will often “lay up.” This technique enables them to better place their approach shots to the green in a more advantageous position — avoiding trouble, like a big water hazard or nasty sand bunkers. Or getting into perfect position to land nearest the pin with a good break, and have a chance to birdie.

Sometimes it’s smart to recognize trouble ahead, play it safe and stay away from danger. But sometimes, you have to take the risk and just go for it.  I loved the movie Tin Cup. It showed — among other things — that you have to have balance in anything.  Going for it every time is a recipe for… exhaustion and stupid moves.

5. Let It Happen.

Trying to force something often causes problems.

This is closely related to one shot at a time… Don’t project ahead. Don’t get caught up in the “what ifs.”  You will drain your energy from what you need to do in this moment and put all your thought and attention into something that hasn’t happened yet — and probably won’t, unless you subconsciously make it happen.

The greatest players are those who can see each shot as a new opportunity, and the last shot as a lesson.

So — there ’s a start.

If you have your own pearl — golf or otherwise, I’d love to hear it.  That’s one of the things I loved most about being around golf and Tour players — the rich wisdom that was often buried in humor and slang. It was never, ever boring.

And it works for all of us.